poetry threw cheese editing. stephen crane.

In the desert
I saw a cheeseman, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his cheese in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said: "Is it good, friend?"
"It is bitter-bitter," he answered;
"But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my cheese."

    

Fun Things to do With Cheese

1) Put a block of it in the toilet after you pee and claim you passed it.
2) Shove a block of it in your mouth when meeting girlfriend’s parents and gesture that you cannot speak; makes things way less awkward.
3) Walk around for a day wearing cheese fangs (see picture of Noah for illustration).
4) Stick it under your armpits and claim you have, “The worst BO.”
5) Hide in roommates shoes. Say you were “storing it” when they get angry.
6) Make a tail for yourself out of string cheese.
7) Replace orange juice with fake nacho cheese.
8) Cover inside and outside of car with cheese. Say it is the first car made entirely of cheese to those who ask.
9) When hooking up with somebody for the first time, say you lost your penis in a bizarre accident and had it replaced with cheese.
10) Sell to middle-schoolers as a drug.

Just wanted everybody to know that I will be doing a performance art piece in which I eat, drink and bath in only cheese. It will last for one week and doctors will be on hand to revive me should my heart cease to function. The only clothes I will wear will be made of cheese or melted onto my body. The only underwear I will wear is a specially designed cheese banana-hammock. Should my intestines deem pooping impossible, I have a team of specialists ready to literally "scoop" everything clean. Thank you for your support.

This is Turkish, Cheese

One of the most disappointing things at a Turkish grocery is the cheese section. (see below)




This sorry sight of Turkish diary aisle is not to say that the Turks, or more Istanbul-ites are averse to cheese. NO. they love cheese, Turks Love cheese almost as much as Yogurt, almost.

but its mild, its all very mild.

Turkish cheese is only best in the breakfast, where there is the white slightly salty cheese, Beyaz Peynir (white sheep's milk cheese), but still! its only good with all the other accouterments.. tomatoes fresh pide(pitaish bread) olives, and honey, sometimes if they feel like it they give you an egg, sometimes. Its delightful cheese i still can never find in the above grocery asile, creamy and delicious, perfect for the hangovers, perfect for the start of a day, ruling the empire, however small it may be.

but lets just say its no Vermont cheddar, its no fresh cheve,

where is the?

space 2008: a cheese odyssey

this is the photo evidence of my cheese journey on the first of december.






i brought home a pecorino, a parmesan, a smoked gouda, a farm gouda and a sheepsmilk gouda, as well as a water buffalo Ravello.
all prducts of vermont.
all delicious.
i would like to thank my mother, father, and the artisan cheesemakers of vermont who made this possible.

(also, echo does not appreciate this much cheese being eaten in her room. i suggest other locations for further cheese journeys.)

cheese cake

cheese of most kinds can make a wonderful dessert, backed brae yum, cheddar on pie yum, ohhhh so many options. But cheese cake is like the ugly unwanted bastard child of cheese desserts, that some how became famous from doing gross sex acts and posting them on the internet. Wow cheeses cake is really groooos. New York style cheese cake yuck, creamy cheese being whipped up and ruined by egg yokes and backed. Chicago cheese cake ahhhhh big yuck, with its thick outer shell thing and the creamy middle. Philadelphia cheese so bad like all the problems cake How the fuck did cheese cake become so popular. it does not even takes like cheese. it tastes like someone just ate cheese and sugar, swallowed and then spate out there cheesy sweet spit into a crust and baked it. some sicko must have decided to make cheese cake a common dessert just to fuck with us all, just to see how disgusting of a thing he could make people eat with them thinking they like it. So to all those cheese cake lovers out there YOU DON'T LIKE IT. it was a mean trick and im sorry you fell for it but yuck. cheese cake is tarnishing the name cheese. it should be called yuck cake, or creamy spit cake, or i taste nothing like cheese cake.

dont fuck

quantity does matter with cheese, lets not be confused

you cant fight a cheese this big.
don't even try.

sick looking cheeses

sickkk
sooo sicki want to smear you all over me

holy cheese, for real

cheddars.

cheddar. the most popular cheese in Britain and a mainstay in the states. cheddar. both sharp and soft. cheddar. wrapped in wax that doesn't taste good. cheddar. both orange and white.

cheddar is a very nice cheese. it goes with almost anything. nachos. macaroni. wine. friends. Chinese food. all good. i like white cheddar, mostly from Brittan and Vermont, which tastes and has better consistency than Wisconsin cheddar. its really sad, actually, Vermont and British Cheddars are so good, and Wisconsin Cheddars are not, and Wisconsin really has nothing else good at all. they should become leaders in Gouda. i feel like they could Gouda the fuck out of the world.

cheddar also accounts for 51% of exports from England, making it there biggest cheese contribution.

it can be eaten on pie.

Cuddly Colby

Colby is nice. It puts a smile on my face and makes me blush when I stroke and eat it. It is an orange cheese, orange like fire or orange sorbet or the color that comes when you scrape all the bugs off your windshield and stir them together in a bowl with your finger. It is from England, where the ugliest of the ugly women labor in the fields to make it. First, they scuttle over to a cow whose udders look like they are ready to give birth to a good cheese. Then, as cows hate very ugly women, they put on Nixon masks and squeeze the cows into buckets. Sometimes, the cow is male and shudders with delight. Next, they make the cheese into big churns like butter (but for cheese). Finally, it gets put into big rolls, which they put on the back of their car like a spare tire to drive to market. When they get to the market, everybody is very happy and nice to the women, who they know will give them good prices with enough flattery. The women throw back their cloak hoods, unhunch their backs, and try to act unconcerned as they scratch the hairy mole that dominates their face. Finally, the cheese is shipped to the United States, where people eat and enjoy it, especially with crackers, coca-cola and on sandwiches. The true value of a cheese is the story behind it, and because of that, colby is maybe my favorite cheese.

saganaki cheese

this suculent greek dish gives me a huge cheese boner. its bizzarly hard to find for how awsomely delicious it is. why is that? i hate that. for people who have not sampled, it is a flaming piece of greek cheese with brandy and lemon juice, that can be eaten straight or with gyro bread. i have been making my own, with pecorino, which is a delicious substitute for the dificult to find kasseri, kefalotiri, or kefalograviera that is usualy required. not as well known as fetta, but easily as good. eat it. love it. learn from it. live it. fuck it. kill it.